I got your attention didn't I? You were probably just surfing around and noticed the title of my blog and were interested to see who I hate the most. It's funny how things can get our attention. Before I tell you who I hate the most, let me give you a few reasons why. This person has made promises that they have broken, they have a set of values that they have allowed to become compromised. The demands of daily life has bogged them down, preventing them from staying in contact with the people they love and care about the most. They have allowed things to replace people in their lives, being too busy to find time to connect with others. Sure, they are on Facebook, but that is like having a private conversation in a crowded room with everyone listening. They have ignored the people closest to them, not spending quality time with loved ones. Sure you can spend time with someone, but is it quality time? Sitting together watching TV or a movie is spending time together but if you don't talk or look at each other then it isn't "quality" time together, especially if you are sitting at opposite ends of the couch. It is really no different than riding the public transit together, you sit beside someone and never exchange words. At the end of the bus ride you might say "Excuse me" so you can get by the person but there is no real interaction. Studies have proven that we need social interaction, and not just a "how do you do" or a "good morning" but real in-depth conversations to stimulate our minds, and to help us stay sane. Solitary confinement is one of the ways that they punish prisoners. Why? Because it takes away one of the most vital things to life, interaction with others. People that are lonely and isolated get depressed and depression leads to all sorts of issues, including death. One of my jobs requires me to be outside going to different locations and the other morning while at work, about 4:30am, a man walked past me. As is my custom when I see someone that early, I said "Morning" to him and he just kept walking, didn't say a word. After walking a few steps away, I looked back at him and I saw that he had turned around and looked at me with this puzzled look on his face, maybe trying to figure out if he knew me from somewhere, or maybe wondering why this stranger spoke to him. Most people that I run into that early usually respond or even initiate the "Good Morning" but for some reason this guy was caught off-guard. I don't know how that story relates to the topic, but it was interesting to see his reaction to something that used to be so common among people, a simple "Good Morning" regardless of whether the person was a neighbour or a stranger.
But back to the topic, The Person I Hate The Most. This person has good intentions, wanting to connect and reach out to others, but has allowed life to get too busy to be able to do that. I always say that "life gets in the way of friendships" and it's true. When was the last time you really connected with an old friend, or made time to visit with a loved one? The person I hate the most hasn't connected with any old friends, or even made new ones. They have isolated themselves into a world of work, and staying busy with all sorts of things. They got a new patio set last summer and only used it a handful of times. They also got a firepit so they can sit around it and enjoy a nice summer evening with family and the whole summer they only used it once. They have a trampoline that they set up but was barely used last summer. Not once this winter have they gone out to play in the snow, which used to be a regular occurrence. Work consumes most of their time, working 10, 11 hour days most of the time. And when they are not working, they are too tired to do anything else. The person I hate the most used to be fun and carefree, cherishing the moments that make up the journey. The destination is important, but the moments that are shared along the journey are just as important. The person I hate the most needs to remember what is important in life, what their priorities are and used to be. They need to take the time to make sure that what the priorities used to be are aligned with what today's priorities are. I don't believe that life should change who you are, but that your priorities and goals should always remain the same. Take a baseball player for example, he is up at the plate to get a hit. In his mind, his goal, his priority, is to get a hit. Let's say he expects the pitcher to throw him a fastball, but instead the pitcher throws a slider, well now that hitter has to adapt because he was looking for a fastball. Has his priorities or his goal changed? No of course not, he still wants to get a hit, but his approach has to change. He now has to make changes to his swing in order to make sure he makes contact with the ball. If he was to say, "Oh well, I was expecting a fastball and I have a slider coming at me instead, I no longer am interested in getting a base-hit" he wouldn't be in the majors for too long. The best athletes, regardless of the sport, are the best because they adapt their approach, but not their ultimate goal. Too many times we have life throw us a slider when we are thinking fastball and instead of adjusting our approach we adjust our goals. Our goals should always stay the same, regardless of what comes our way. Life is full of sliders, and curveballs, and knuckleballs, and all sorts of twists and turns, but we have to remain focused on our goals and adapt our approach in order to continue with forward progress. The person I hate the most has forgotten all the priorities and goals that were set all those years ago when they first started out on this journey we call Life. They have forgotten how they promised to be there for others, always willing to put things off to help a friend. They have gotten selfish, greedy and a shadow of their former self. But the good news is it's not too late to change, they can go back to being the person they were, the person that was always willing to reach out and lend a helping hand. There still is time to make a difference, to make an impact in their world. All they have to do is to simply do it. The priorities are there, the goals are still the same, just have to refocus and zoom in on how to reach their goals.
By now you are probably wondering who this person is. Well I'll tell you.........The Person I Hate The Most is........ME. Now don't worry, I'm not depressed or suicidal or anything, I am perfectly fine. I have just realized that I am becoming the person I hate. The person who is always too busy working to stay in contact with friends, the person who says "what do I need" instead of saying "what do you need," the person who says, "this is the best option for me" as opposed to "how will this help others." See, I despise those people, they are sefish, rude, arrogant, and conceited. They only have friends for two reasons: because people are scared of them, or because people need something from them. I don't want to be one of those people. Those people get to their destination but have no one to share it with, no memories were created along the way, no memory of the journey. I am going to take back my life, my friends and my time from all these things that are trying to take them from me. No longer will I lament the fact that "life gets in the way of friendships" but I am going to stop life in its tracks. Maybe things won't go the way I planned, but I am going to keep the same goals and priorities regardless of what life wants to throw at me. LIFE WILL NOT GET IN THE WAY OF ME LIVING!! Watch out Life cause I'm coming after you!!!
And that is life thru my chocolate-covered glasses. Why? Cause Da Chocolate Says............
Monday, January 16, 2012
Sunday, July 24, 2011
TRUST. A simple five letter word. Doesn't seem that big of a word. But it's impact can be tremendous. A lot of our problems in society today can be traced to a lack of trust. Poor voter turnout in the last few elections is because people don't trust politicians to do what they say they will do. People don't trust each other. Two major sports in North America, NBA basketball and NFL football, are currently in labour disputes because the two sides involved don't trust each other. Sometimes kids can't even trust their parents to do their jobs as parents. Society will never be fixed as long as we can't trust each other. I recently learned that someone who claims to be my friend doesn't trust me. How can you claim to be someone's friend if you don't trust them? Furthermore, why would you want to be friends with someone you don't trust?? A "friend" is defined as a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. Why would you attach yourself, or have feelings of affection for someone that you don't trust? The word "trust" is defined as reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing. How can you call someone a friend if you don't feel you can rely on their strength, integrity, and/or ability?? Based on the definitions I don't know why you would call someone a friend if you can't rely on them. A friend has to be someone I trust otherwise it's a waste of time.
Now, don't get the wrong idea here, I couldn't really care less if this person trusts me or not. I don't even consider them a close friend, they were more of an acquaintance that I came to know through a work environment. But this whole situation has got me thinking of the word "trust " and what it really means. Now, everyone will obviously have a different way to determine whether they trust others or not. Sometimes it's based on a situation that you needed someone to come through for you and they did. Other times it's based on someone's reputation, they are known to be trustworthy. As for me, I trust everybody. I know some of you are a little skeptical reading that, but it is true, I trust everybody. I trust everybody to do what is best for them. I don't expect anything less from people, they are going to do whatever keeps them in their comfort zone. A lot of times we expect things from people that, if you really observed them and the way they conduct themselves, you would realize that they aren't going to live up to what we expect. Now, this is not about people living up to my expectations, this is about people living up to what they themselves have set for standards. When I take my dog out for a walk, I know that if my dog sees a rabbit or a cat she is going to take off if I do not have proper control of her by having her on a leash. So, if I take her out without a leash and she sees something and takes off, am I disappointed? Not really, because I expected that of her. I am upset, mostly at myself because I knew that she was going to do that and I didn't take precautions to prevent it. I trusted my dog to do exactly what she was going to do. I trusted that at some point she would forget all the things we taught her about obedience and take off and do her own thing. People are no different. I trust them to do whatever is going to keep them in their comfort zone. A few years ago my brother was moving to a new place and I offered to take a day off work and drive the 2.5 hours to his place to help him move. Someone actually told me that I was crazy to do that. They said I should have wired him $50 so he could go hire a day labourer to help him move, and that I was wasting my time and money to help. They actually added up my expenses showing me where it was actually costing me money to help my brother out. The point of that story is that now I know how much I can depend on that person when I am in need, I know exactly how much effort they would put into assisting me. So when I need something and they won't help me I'm not upset because I know where their limits are. I trust them to do exactly what they are going to do, and that is limit themselves to helping as long as they stay in their comfort zone. Now, there are people who are exceptions to the rule, people who will go above and beyond the call of duty. But the problem comes when we trust people to do things that they will not do because it is not in their character. If I trust someone, I am putting faith and belief in them, that they will come through, or do what they say they will do. But if I am paying attention to how they conduct themselves, and how they act in certain situations, I will know whether I can trust them or not. When we start raising our expectations of people beyond what they are capable, or willing, to do, that is when we get disappointed and begin to lose trust in them.
Take the current labour strife in two of the four major North American sports. The dispute is very simple, the two sides don't trust each other. They are only partners because they need each other to make a living, the owners can't put butts in the seats without the players, and the players can't make a whole lot of money if they owners won't pay up. The owners claim they are losing money but the players don't believe them, or trust them. The players are crying poor, but the owners don't believe them. If they trusted each other, then that would be a starting point for negotiations, but they don't and until one side starts to trust the other side the issues will always remain, even if they do come to an agreement. Do I trust either side in these situations? Of course I do, I trust each side to do what is best for themselves. Just like I trust the politician who made all those promises during the election to do what is best for his/her career. Just like I trust all big businesses to be more concerned about their bottom line than they would be about their employees. Just like I trust people to look out for themselves, to stay within their comfort zone.
And maybe that is part of the problem. Nobody wants to extend themselves beyond their comfort zone for anyone else. We are afraid to trust each other, to reach out and take ourselves out of our comfort zones to help someone out. We are afraid if we step out of our comfort zone that no one will step out of their comfort zone to help us. Someone once told me that we should abolish all forms of government assistance. I asked them what would happen to the less fortunate, and their reply was that the family and friends would have to step in and help them out. While in theory that is a good idea, it would never become a reality. We are too scared as a society to truly reach out and help others. It is easy to give money to help starving children overseas, or to help earthquake victims, but how many of us would actually go there and do the hands-on work to help improve these peoples' lives? It's easy to talk about it, and take "action" in the form of monetary funding but the reality of it is not many people would actually go there and do it. Just like my friend was more willing to give the $50 instead of actually showing up to help.
Until we start to address the trust issue, among other things, we can never fix our society. It all starts with one person, and that is me. Remember the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Sounds pretty simple to me. If I want your help, I need to be willing to help you when you need it.
And that is life thru my chocolate-covered glasses. Why? Cause Da Chocolate Says............
Now, don't get the wrong idea here, I couldn't really care less if this person trusts me or not. I don't even consider them a close friend, they were more of an acquaintance that I came to know through a work environment. But this whole situation has got me thinking of the word "trust " and what it really means. Now, everyone will obviously have a different way to determine whether they trust others or not. Sometimes it's based on a situation that you needed someone to come through for you and they did. Other times it's based on someone's reputation, they are known to be trustworthy. As for me, I trust everybody. I know some of you are a little skeptical reading that, but it is true, I trust everybody. I trust everybody to do what is best for them. I don't expect anything less from people, they are going to do whatever keeps them in their comfort zone. A lot of times we expect things from people that, if you really observed them and the way they conduct themselves, you would realize that they aren't going to live up to what we expect. Now, this is not about people living up to my expectations, this is about people living up to what they themselves have set for standards. When I take my dog out for a walk, I know that if my dog sees a rabbit or a cat she is going to take off if I do not have proper control of her by having her on a leash. So, if I take her out without a leash and she sees something and takes off, am I disappointed? Not really, because I expected that of her. I am upset, mostly at myself because I knew that she was going to do that and I didn't take precautions to prevent it. I trusted my dog to do exactly what she was going to do. I trusted that at some point she would forget all the things we taught her about obedience and take off and do her own thing. People are no different. I trust them to do whatever is going to keep them in their comfort zone. A few years ago my brother was moving to a new place and I offered to take a day off work and drive the 2.5 hours to his place to help him move. Someone actually told me that I was crazy to do that. They said I should have wired him $50 so he could go hire a day labourer to help him move, and that I was wasting my time and money to help. They actually added up my expenses showing me where it was actually costing me money to help my brother out. The point of that story is that now I know how much I can depend on that person when I am in need, I know exactly how much effort they would put into assisting me. So when I need something and they won't help me I'm not upset because I know where their limits are. I trust them to do exactly what they are going to do, and that is limit themselves to helping as long as they stay in their comfort zone. Now, there are people who are exceptions to the rule, people who will go above and beyond the call of duty. But the problem comes when we trust people to do things that they will not do because it is not in their character. If I trust someone, I am putting faith and belief in them, that they will come through, or do what they say they will do. But if I am paying attention to how they conduct themselves, and how they act in certain situations, I will know whether I can trust them or not. When we start raising our expectations of people beyond what they are capable, or willing, to do, that is when we get disappointed and begin to lose trust in them.
Take the current labour strife in two of the four major North American sports. The dispute is very simple, the two sides don't trust each other. They are only partners because they need each other to make a living, the owners can't put butts in the seats without the players, and the players can't make a whole lot of money if they owners won't pay up. The owners claim they are losing money but the players don't believe them, or trust them. The players are crying poor, but the owners don't believe them. If they trusted each other, then that would be a starting point for negotiations, but they don't and until one side starts to trust the other side the issues will always remain, even if they do come to an agreement. Do I trust either side in these situations? Of course I do, I trust each side to do what is best for themselves. Just like I trust the politician who made all those promises during the election to do what is best for his/her career. Just like I trust all big businesses to be more concerned about their bottom line than they would be about their employees. Just like I trust people to look out for themselves, to stay within their comfort zone.
And maybe that is part of the problem. Nobody wants to extend themselves beyond their comfort zone for anyone else. We are afraid to trust each other, to reach out and take ourselves out of our comfort zones to help someone out. We are afraid if we step out of our comfort zone that no one will step out of their comfort zone to help us. Someone once told me that we should abolish all forms of government assistance. I asked them what would happen to the less fortunate, and their reply was that the family and friends would have to step in and help them out. While in theory that is a good idea, it would never become a reality. We are too scared as a society to truly reach out and help others. It is easy to give money to help starving children overseas, or to help earthquake victims, but how many of us would actually go there and do the hands-on work to help improve these peoples' lives? It's easy to talk about it, and take "action" in the form of monetary funding but the reality of it is not many people would actually go there and do it. Just like my friend was more willing to give the $50 instead of actually showing up to help.
Until we start to address the trust issue, among other things, we can never fix our society. It all starts with one person, and that is me. Remember the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Sounds pretty simple to me. If I want your help, I need to be willing to help you when you need it.
And that is life thru my chocolate-covered glasses. Why? Cause Da Chocolate Says............
Friday, February 11, 2011
The Very First One
Well, here goes nothing. This is my very first blog. Kinda surprised that I jumped on this bandwagon. I never understood the whole "blogging" thing. I have my good friend Annabelle to thank, she's the one who got me started. We'll see how well this goes and how long it lasts. I don't really have a plan in mind for my blog. I'm just gonna give my view of things thru my chocolate-covered lenses. My blog will cover everything from day to day events, to top news stories, to sports, to just random ramblings. The purpose of my blog is to inspire thought and stir up debate. I would like to be able to get you thinking about things, maybe in a way you haven't thought of it before. You are free to disagree with me, as most of you probably will, and I'm okay with that.
My first topic is friends. What is a friend? Lots of us have Facebook (fb) accounts and have a friend's list. In fact, if you are reading this first blog, you probably got to it thru fb. But what is a friend? We use the term so loosely these days. If I met you because of someone else, even if we don't regularly communicate, then on fb you would be considered a friend. For some people, the friends list is more of a networking tool than an actual list of friends. If we were truly honest, most of us would have a friends list numbering under 100 instead of in the thousands. A lot of us ignore people on our friends list, we just don't really have the time to be in contact with everyone on it. I know I have been eliminating people from my friends list simply because it was way too long and there was no way I was able to stay in contact with all those people. Now it is very possible that we have come into contact with thousands of people in our lifetime, but it doesn't neccessarily make them our friend. To be honest, if certain people on our friends list were to call us in the middle of the night for an emergency, how many of us would respond right away? And it's not because we don't like them or know them, but it's because technology has allowed us to "pretend" to be friends. Fb allows us to give that impression without having to actually reach out and make a real connection. A real friend is there in the middle of the night when you need them, there to lend support when things get tough.
I have a saying, "Life gets in the way of friendships." What I mean by that is two-fold. Firstly, we get so busy in life with work, kids, and day-to-day tasks that we forget to connect with our friends. We forget to hang out and enjoy the things we work so hard for, and to enjoy them with people that mean something to us. We don't call as often, we don't email, we don't sit and talk, it's always go, go, go. Somehow, technology has taken over. We have more gadgets and doo-dads so we can get more done, but the more we get done, the more work we take on and its a never ending cycle. Before you know it we don't have time for anything or anyone. What's the point in buying a convertible sports car to sit in my garage if I never get the time to drive it and enjoy it? We've got to stop life, even if its just for a moment, get in the sports car, put the roof down, and go for a quick cruise even if it's only around the block.
The second thing I mean by that saying is that life causes us to dilute our friendships. We get so busy, we are doing so much that we make new contacts so quickly, and we drop them into the "friend" category. Yet we don't hang out, we don't talk on a regular basis. So instead of having, say 20 friends that we regularly spend quality time with, we now have 80 friends that each get maybe 10 minutes of our time every couple of months. Is that really better than the 20 friends? Our true friends make us who we are. The experiences we share with them shape us into the person we have become.
We recently suffered a tragic loss of a loved one in our family and whenever that happens we always comfort each other and say we are going to keep in touch, we are going to visit more, call more, better time management to enjoy life, but we never do. We never get the convertible out. Loss happens, and we open the garage and look lovingly at the sports car, promising one day to get it out on the open road, but we never do. We close the garage and forget all about the convertible. Until the next time we go in there. It's time that we stop dreaming and promising and start doing. Get in that car, start it up, get it outta there and go for a cruise. We used to hold a barbeque for our friends every summer when we lived in BC. It was simple, we would invite as many people as we could. We would try to invite everyone we knew. We wouldn't give out invitations, we would just run into people and invite them. One year we had about 40 people show up. We would supply the hot dogs, hamburgers, snacks and pop, if you wanted anything else you would bring it. You brought steaks, we would bbq them for you unless you wanted to do it yourself. It was just so we could spend time with friends, create memories, laugh and enjoy each other's company. People came with their kids, and we just took the time to hang out. Sadly, we haven't done that for a few years for various reasons, but I have promised myself that this summer we are going to revive the tradition. Life isn't about running here there and everywhere like we have let it become. Its about making connections with people, creating TRUE friendships and not fb friendships. Cause when people pass away, or move away and we can't talk or visit like we used to, the only thing we have left is the memories we created. We have let life get in the way of friendships.
So I encourage everyone, get that convertible out of the garage and take it for a cruise, even if its only around the block. Get it out as often as you can. I know I'm gonna.
And that is life thru my chocolate-covered glasses. Why? Cause Da Chocolate Says...........
My first topic is friends. What is a friend? Lots of us have Facebook (fb) accounts and have a friend's list. In fact, if you are reading this first blog, you probably got to it thru fb. But what is a friend? We use the term so loosely these days. If I met you because of someone else, even if we don't regularly communicate, then on fb you would be considered a friend. For some people, the friends list is more of a networking tool than an actual list of friends. If we were truly honest, most of us would have a friends list numbering under 100 instead of in the thousands. A lot of us ignore people on our friends list, we just don't really have the time to be in contact with everyone on it. I know I have been eliminating people from my friends list simply because it was way too long and there was no way I was able to stay in contact with all those people. Now it is very possible that we have come into contact with thousands of people in our lifetime, but it doesn't neccessarily make them our friend. To be honest, if certain people on our friends list were to call us in the middle of the night for an emergency, how many of us would respond right away? And it's not because we don't like them or know them, but it's because technology has allowed us to "pretend" to be friends. Fb allows us to give that impression without having to actually reach out and make a real connection. A real friend is there in the middle of the night when you need them, there to lend support when things get tough.
I have a saying, "Life gets in the way of friendships." What I mean by that is two-fold. Firstly, we get so busy in life with work, kids, and day-to-day tasks that we forget to connect with our friends. We forget to hang out and enjoy the things we work so hard for, and to enjoy them with people that mean something to us. We don't call as often, we don't email, we don't sit and talk, it's always go, go, go. Somehow, technology has taken over. We have more gadgets and doo-dads so we can get more done, but the more we get done, the more work we take on and its a never ending cycle. Before you know it we don't have time for anything or anyone. What's the point in buying a convertible sports car to sit in my garage if I never get the time to drive it and enjoy it? We've got to stop life, even if its just for a moment, get in the sports car, put the roof down, and go for a quick cruise even if it's only around the block.
The second thing I mean by that saying is that life causes us to dilute our friendships. We get so busy, we are doing so much that we make new contacts so quickly, and we drop them into the "friend" category. Yet we don't hang out, we don't talk on a regular basis. So instead of having, say 20 friends that we regularly spend quality time with, we now have 80 friends that each get maybe 10 minutes of our time every couple of months. Is that really better than the 20 friends? Our true friends make us who we are. The experiences we share with them shape us into the person we have become.
We recently suffered a tragic loss of a loved one in our family and whenever that happens we always comfort each other and say we are going to keep in touch, we are going to visit more, call more, better time management to enjoy life, but we never do. We never get the convertible out. Loss happens, and we open the garage and look lovingly at the sports car, promising one day to get it out on the open road, but we never do. We close the garage and forget all about the convertible. Until the next time we go in there. It's time that we stop dreaming and promising and start doing. Get in that car, start it up, get it outta there and go for a cruise. We used to hold a barbeque for our friends every summer when we lived in BC. It was simple, we would invite as many people as we could. We would try to invite everyone we knew. We wouldn't give out invitations, we would just run into people and invite them. One year we had about 40 people show up. We would supply the hot dogs, hamburgers, snacks and pop, if you wanted anything else you would bring it. You brought steaks, we would bbq them for you unless you wanted to do it yourself. It was just so we could spend time with friends, create memories, laugh and enjoy each other's company. People came with their kids, and we just took the time to hang out. Sadly, we haven't done that for a few years for various reasons, but I have promised myself that this summer we are going to revive the tradition. Life isn't about running here there and everywhere like we have let it become. Its about making connections with people, creating TRUE friendships and not fb friendships. Cause when people pass away, or move away and we can't talk or visit like we used to, the only thing we have left is the memories we created. We have let life get in the way of friendships.
So I encourage everyone, get that convertible out of the garage and take it for a cruise, even if its only around the block. Get it out as often as you can. I know I'm gonna.
And that is life thru my chocolate-covered glasses. Why? Cause Da Chocolate Says...........
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