TRUST. A simple five letter word. Doesn't seem that big of a word. But it's impact can be tremendous. A lot of our problems in society today can be traced to a lack of trust. Poor voter turnout in the last few elections is because people don't trust politicians to do what they say they will do. People don't trust each other. Two major sports in North America, NBA basketball and NFL football, are currently in labour disputes because the two sides involved don't trust each other. Sometimes kids can't even trust their parents to do their jobs as parents. Society will never be fixed as long as we can't trust each other. I recently learned that someone who claims to be my friend doesn't trust me. How can you claim to be someone's friend if you don't trust them? Furthermore, why would you want to be friends with someone you don't trust?? A "friend" is defined as a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. Why would you attach yourself, or have feelings of affection for someone that you don't trust? The word "trust" is defined as reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing. How can you call someone a friend if you don't feel you can rely on their strength, integrity, and/or ability?? Based on the definitions I don't know why you would call someone a friend if you can't rely on them. A friend has to be someone I trust otherwise it's a waste of time.


Now, don't get the wrong idea here, I couldn't really care less if this person trusts me or not. I don't even consider them a close friend, they were more of an acquaintance that I came to know through a work environment. But this whole situation has got me thinking of the word "trust " and what it really means. Now, everyone will obviously have a different way to determine whether they trust others or not. Sometimes it's based on a situation that you needed someone to come through for you and they did. Other times it's based on someone's reputation, they are known to be trustworthy. As for me, I trust everybody. I know some of you are a little skeptical reading that, but it is true, I trust everybody. I trust everybody to do what is best for them. I don't expect anything less from people, they are going to do whatever keeps them in their comfort zone. A lot of times we expect things from people that, if you really observed them and the way they conduct themselves, you would realize that they aren't going to live up to what we expect. Now, this is not about people living up to my expectations, this is about people living up to what they themselves have set for standards. When I take my dog out for a walk, I know that if my dog sees a rabbit or a cat she is going to take off if I do not have proper control of her by having her on a leash. So, if I take her out without a leash and she sees something and takes off, am I disappointed? Not really, because I expected that of her. I am upset, mostly at myself because I knew that she was going to do that and I didn't take precautions to prevent it. I trusted my dog to do exactly what she was going to do. I trusted that at some point she would forget all the things we taught her about obedience and take off and do her own thing. People are no different. I trust them to do whatever is going to keep them in their comfort zone. A few years ago my brother was moving to a new place and I offered to take a day off work and drive the 2.5 hours to his place to help him move. Someone actually told me that I was crazy to do that. They said I should have wired him $50 so he could go hire a day labourer to help him move, and that I was wasting my time and money to help. They actually added up my expenses showing me where it was actually costing me money to help my brother out. The point of that story is that now I know how much I can depend on that person when I am in need, I know exactly how much effort they would put into assisting me. So when I need something and they won't help me I'm not upset because I know where their limits are. I trust them to do exactly what they are going to do, and that is limit themselves to helping as long as they stay in their comfort zone. Now, there are people who are exceptions to the rule, people who will go above and beyond the call of duty. But the problem comes when we trust people to do things that they will not do because it is not in their character. If I trust someone, I am putting faith and belief in them, that they will come through, or do what they say they will do. But if I am paying attention to how they conduct themselves, and how they act in certain situations, I will know whether I can trust them or not. When we start raising our expectations of people beyond what they are capable, or willing, to do, that is when we get disappointed and begin to lose trust in them.

Take the current labour strife in two of the four major North American sports. The dispute is very simple, the two sides don't trust each other. They are only partners because they need each other to make a living, the owners can't put butts in the seats without the players, and the players can't make a whole lot of money if they owners won't pay up. The owners claim they are losing money but the players don't believe them, or trust them. The players are crying poor, but the owners don't believe them. If they trusted each other, then that would be a starting point for negotiations, but they don't and until one side starts to trust the other side the issues will always remain, even if they do come to an agreement. Do I trust either side in these situations? Of course I do, I trust each side to do what is best for themselves. Just like I trust the politician who made all those promises during the election to do what is best for his/her career. Just like I trust all big businesses to be more concerned about their bottom line than they would be about their employees. Just like I trust people to look out for themselves, to stay within their comfort zone.

And maybe that is part of the problem. Nobody wants to extend themselves beyond their comfort zone for anyone else. We are afraid to trust each other, to reach out and take ourselves out of our comfort zones to help someone out. We are afraid if we step out of our comfort zone that no one will step out of their comfort zone to help us. Someone once told me that we should abolish all forms of government assistance. I asked them what would happen to the less fortunate, and their reply was that the family and friends would have to step in and help them out. While in theory that is a good idea, it would never become a reality. We are too scared as a society to truly reach out and help others. It is easy to give money to help starving children overseas, or to help earthquake victims, but how many of us would actually go there and do the hands-on work to help improve these peoples' lives? It's easy to talk about it, and take "action" in the form of monetary funding but the reality of it is not many people would actually go there and do it. Just like my friend was more willing to give the $50 instead of actually showing up to help.


Until we start to address the trust issue, among other things, we can never fix our society. It all starts with one person, and that is me. Remember the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Sounds pretty simple to me. If I want your help, I need to be willing to help you when you need it.


And that is life thru my chocolate-covered glasses. Why? Cause Da Chocolate Says............

The Very First One

Well, here goes nothing. This is my very first blog. Kinda surprised that I jumped on this bandwagon. I never understood the whole "blogging" thing. I have my good friend Annabelle to thank, she's the one who got me started. We'll see how well this goes and how long it lasts. I don't really have a plan in mind for my blog. I'm just gonna give my view of things thru my chocolate-covered lenses. My blog will cover everything from day to day events, to top news stories, to sports, to just random ramblings. The purpose of my blog is to inspire thought and stir up debate. I would like to be able to get you thinking about things, maybe in a way you haven't thought of it before. You are free to disagree with me, as most of you probably will, and I'm okay with that.

My first topic is friends. What is a friend? Lots of us have Facebook (fb) accounts and have a friend's list. In fact, if you are reading this first blog, you probably got to it thru fb. But what is a friend? We use the term so loosely these days. If I met you because of someone else, even if we don't regularly communicate, then on fb you would be considered a friend. For some people, the friends list is more of a networking tool than an actual list of friends. If we were truly honest, most of us would have a friends list numbering under 100 instead of in the thousands. A lot of us ignore people on our friends list, we just don't really have the time to be in contact with everyone on it. I know I have been eliminating people from my friends list simply because it was way too long and there was no way I was able to stay in contact with all those people. Now it is very possible that we have come into contact with thousands of people in our lifetime, but it doesn't neccessarily make them our friend. To be honest, if certain people on our friends list were to call us in the middle of the night for an emergency, how many of us would respond right away? And it's not because we don't like them or know them, but it's because technology has allowed us to "pretend" to be friends. Fb allows us to give that impression without having to actually reach out and make a real connection. A real friend is there in the middle of the night when you need them, there to lend support when things get tough.

I have a saying, "Life gets in the way of friendships." What I mean by that is two-fold. Firstly, we get so busy in life with work, kids, and day-to-day tasks that we forget to connect with our friends. We forget to hang out and enjoy the things we work so hard for, and to enjoy them with people that mean something to us. We don't call as often, we don't email, we don't sit and talk, it's always go, go, go. Somehow, technology has taken over. We have more gadgets and doo-dads so we can get more done, but the more we get done, the more work we take on and its a never ending cycle. Before you know it we don't have time for anything or anyone. What's the point in buying a convertible sports car to sit in my garage if I never get the time to drive it and enjoy it? We've got to stop life, even if its just for a moment, get in the sports car, put the roof down, and go for a quick cruise even if it's only around the block.

The second thing I mean by that saying is that life causes us to dilute our friendships. We get so busy, we are doing so much that we make new contacts so quickly, and we drop them into the "friend" category. Yet we don't hang out, we don't talk on a regular basis. So instead of having, say 20 friends that we regularly spend quality time with, we now have 80 friends that each get maybe 10 minutes of our time every couple of months. Is that really better than the 20 friends? Our true friends make us who we are. The experiences we share with them shape us into the person we have become.

We recently suffered a tragic loss of a loved one in our family and whenever that happens we always comfort each other and say we are going to keep in touch, we are going to visit more, call more, better time management to enjoy life, but we never do. We never get the convertible out. Loss happens, and we open the garage and look lovingly at the sports car, promising one day to get it out on the open road, but we never do. We close the garage and forget all about the convertible. Until the next time we go in there. It's time that we stop dreaming and promising and start doing. Get in that car, start it up, get it outta there and go for a cruise. We used to hold a barbeque for our friends every summer when we lived in BC. It was simple, we would invite as many people as we could. We would try to invite everyone we knew. We wouldn't give out invitations, we would just run into people and invite them. One year we had about 40 people show up. We would supply the hot dogs, hamburgers, snacks and pop, if you wanted anything else you would bring it. You brought steaks, we would bbq them for you unless you wanted to do it yourself. It was just so we could spend time with friends, create memories, laugh and enjoy each other's company. People came with their kids, and we just took the time to hang out. Sadly, we haven't done that for a few years for various reasons, but I have promised myself that this summer we are going to revive the tradition. Life isn't about running here there and everywhere like we have let it become. Its about making connections with people, creating TRUE friendships and not fb friendships. Cause when people pass away, or move away and we can't talk or visit like we used to, the only thing we have left is the memories we created. We have let life get in the way of friendships.

So I encourage everyone, get that convertible out of the garage and take it for a cruise, even if its only around the block. Get it out as often as you can. I know I'm gonna.

And that is life thru my chocolate-covered glasses. Why? Cause Da Chocolate Says...........